no good.

This is going to be a TMI-heavy text-ranting-random kitty pics post because... it just has to be. So please bear with me!
I've been feeling like crap lately. I've been stressed about money and I don't adjust to change very well, so I'm still getting used to living here, and working for my parents again has been an interesting experience... In general I've been feeling a little anxiety lately, but nothing unbearable or more than I've experienced before. Yesterday I was scheduled to work the close shift with my dad and another girl. He usually shows up a little after six, while I got there at 5. I was feeling a little nauseous since around lunchtime, but didn't think too much of it. Eventually my dad got there, already in a bad mood, and we were pretty busy. After a while my stomach started hurting more and more, and I was sweating profusely. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I told my dad I wasn't feeling well and had to go sit down. I went into the walk in fridge to cool down, and instantly had to run to the back to puke. It was bad. I knew it was coming too, but I thought I could get over it. We had a huge line and I was so freaked out that I'd puke in front of all the customers, plus I knew my dad would be annoyed with me for getting sick. But I did, and I told him, and he offered to let me go home. I thought I was fine. An hour and a half later, I puked again. I told him what was up and that I needed to go home. I had told him earlier that I felt like I was having a panic attack, even though I've never had one and don't know what one feels like. Boy, was that a mistake. I think what happened was that I knew how he'd react, and I was freaking myself out about it. It was cyclical, I think it started out because of something I ate, but the more I thought about the fact that I didn't feel well combined with how he'd react, I got even more freaked out which made me feel even more sick... My dad likes to say that I don't get special treatment at work because I'm his daughter. It's true, I don't get any benefits, but I do get treated more harshly, by him at least. If one of his other employees got sick and legitimately vomited at work, he'd urge them to leave, reassure them that it was ok, and let them have the next day or two off. But for me, he acted like it was ok, but when I saw him this morning he made me feel terrible about leaving. He said he was reconsidering my position there, because maybe I couldn't handle the stress. I told him I was stressing out about him and what he'd say, not the job, but I'm not sure he understood that. I was supposed to work tonight so he could have the day off, but I've been feeling iffy today too, so I told him I think it's best if I stay home. He was pissed about that! I think he's being an ass, but there isn't much you can do to reason with him. Thank goodness he doesn't read my blog because I'd never share any of this if I thought he might read it. It's just so frustrating with him. There's so much more backstory to all this too, I could write a novel about his personality/who he is, and you'd still never fully understand unless you met him. I just need to vent I guess. Ultimately he's a really great guy, but dealing with him at work sucks. Mainly just for me though, he's great to his other employees, and he's great to me as a daughter, but when I'm in the role of daughter/employee, I'm screwed. I'll never win. Ughhhhh, I can't wait to get out of there. I need a different job!!

Anyway, I really just needed to vent and get that out there. Thanks for listening.

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  1. Well I'm saying a prayer for you right now! Dads seem to be very complex these days...
    hugs and loves
    hope you get to feeling better soon and I hope things smooth over just as well.

  2. I hate getting anxiety on the job, and I know what you mean about feeling even sicker when you think about having to ask your boss if you can go home. I think it's really hard to work with a parent, I've worked for my Dad before as well.
    I hope you feel better and that everything works out!

  3. our kitties are twins anymore... cause mine is a Frankenstein! :(

    My dad was such a hard ass on me sometimes, but I think it was beter for me in the long run. I was never that kid that got pregnant at 14, drank or did drugs, you should be thankful you have a strong father figure in your life, even if he can be annoying sometimes.



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