I'm at a weird time in my life right now, which can be really awesome in certain aspects but it can also totally fucking suck. I'm 24 years old. My boyfriend is 26. We both just finished college in the last year and a half. We moved back to our hometown. We make enough money to get by. But it seems like everyone else around me is leaps and bounds ahead of us. I swear, Facebook is the root of all of these problems, because every time I go on it I see that someone I went to high school with just got married or got their dream job, and other people are having babies or taking fabulous trips around the world. And what are we doing? I work in a damn ice cream store for my dad and spend way too much time on the internet. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, because I cannot stand when people complain and don't do anything to fix their situations. But that's part of the problem. I'm not ready to change my situation. I'm envious of other people but I'm scared shitless to take the steps in the direction of change. It's a bizarre thing to reckon with, and I'm confronted with these feelings nearly every day. I know I'm not alone on this, I know there's plenty of other people out there that are confused and jealous and feel like they're stuck, but I don't know anyone in real life who feels that way. That's another thing, the weirdness of being a blogger. It's like I know there's a couple dozen of you reading this right now, and at least one or two of you get where I'm coming from, but I'll probably never know it. You might leave a comment, but it's not the same as sitting across from someone at a coffee shop (or a bar, where I'm more suited to having these types of conversations), and really connecting and relating to another human being. Even a phone call or a text message or an email from someone can lighten the mood, but they don't come as often as I sometimes want them to. Most of the time that's ok, though, but every once in a while I get this sinking feeling where I wish I could call up a best friend and chat and cry and giggle with her, but I don't have one of those so instead I wish for a comment or a tweet to know that someone's thinking of me. I'm making it sound like I'm desperately lonely and depressed, which could not be further from the truth. It's just something about being up late and tangential thoughts swirling around my head that makes me get in this kind of mood.
Anyway, I've rambled on about nothing for too long. I'm going to click publish, though, which is totally terrifying because I kinda want everyone to think I've got my shit together, but I guess now you'll know that sometimes I don't.
*sorry if you caught this post before I edited the photo. I couldn't handle the other one. ♥