12.18.2012

Let's get a little real.


I'm sitting here at close to one in the morning, typing and deleting, retyping, deleting... I have things I want to talk about but I don't know if I can because it's scary to share stuff like this. The embarrassing stuff, the things that you're not good at, the things that make you feel bad. But I also think it's important to share that stuff, for yourself and for someone else who may find some comfort in your words. Plus I've been feeling very fluffy on this little blog lately, so why not get real for a change?

I've been unemployed for about two and a half months. I know in the grand scheme of unemployment many people face much longer stretches of joblessness, so two and a half months doesn't seem all that bad. But it's getting kinda bad for me. At first I enjoyed being unemployed. I had all this time to get my house clean and keep it that way (I got down to one dirty basket of laundry!). I was baking left and right. I was designing new stuff for the shop. And while I was doing all of that I was applying to jobs. I was choosy at first, picturing myself in that job and applying if I thought I would like it. I wasn't going to apply to any retail stores or restaurants. I wanted that part of my life to be over. And I kept saying to myself (and others) "It's only been a week/two weeks/three weeks" or "It's barely been a month" to justify the fact that I hadn't gotten a single call back. 

But now I'm edging closer and closer to three months, facing the fact that I'll probably start the new year unemployed, and it's really starting to affect me. I'm finding that I don't really handle rejection well. I was all but certain of this before, but I'm realizing that it doesn't just bum me out a little, instead it stokes a million insecure feelings in me that shake me to the core. I've been questioning everything. Am I smart? Am I a good person? Am I worthwhile? And these are things I know the answers to, I know the answer is YES!!! to all of them. But not getting a single phone call has really hurt me. I can't help but think that it's me, it's my fault, because it's definitely no one else's. I still have an inkling of rationality left that says "no, you aren't inherently undesireable!", but sometimes the other side weighs heavier on my heart. I left my job because it was an unhealthy situation for everyone involved, and I thought that the hurtful things that were said wouldn't hurt once I didn't hear them anymore. But they still sting, and they make these new insecurities even harder to battle. 

For a little while I was excited that maybe my shop could sustain me. I had a couple good weeks and I felt so fulfilled with that, and hopeful that maybe I could make this dream a fraction of a reality (for a little while), and then... nothing. Which is fine. I never intended for my shop to be my new job. But it would be cool... Pipe dreams, though. The reality is that all I want in life, what I feel like would complete me right now, is an office job. I know, right? Most people talk of office jobs like they're torture, but to me that seems like a dream. I want to have weekends off. I want to wear nice clothes to work. I want to be around adults (I primarily worked with high school students before). I don't care if I'm low on the food chain. But I have absolutely no office experience. My resumé is seriously sparse. I worked for my family in a restaurant all throughout high school and my first two years of community college, then once I graduated from a university two years later I came back, "just for six months". I stayed for four years. I hate that I'm in the middle of my twenties and haven't had an ~adult~ job yet. 

For the last week or so I've been pretty sad about this whole situation. I've been confronting all these things about myself, and a lot of them I'm working through in a positive way, which is rad! But I let some things get to me, and drag me down. I haven't applied anywhere for at least a week because it was easier to ignore it than face more rejection. 

I'm starting to feel like I'm on an upswing, and I want to start applying again. I feel good about myself and proud of who I am and what I offer! I just need to convince someone else of that. It's a hard thing to do, especially for someone like me who's used to playing it safe, but I'm ready. 

If you read all of that, thank you. If you didn't, I understand. It was just nice to get it out :)


67 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry to hear this but I can honestly say I somewhat know here you're coming from. I've only had one job before and that was working at Aeropostale between 07'-09' so it was a pretty long time ago lol. Now I'm a SAHM who feels like I don't really contribute very much and like I'm going nowhere. Especially because I'm still pretty young. I've always wanted to have an office job for the same reasons you mentioned.

    I'm sure you'll be able to find something that works for you and I really hope it's sooner rather than later for you. Good luck with the job hunt! :)

    Jazmyn @ Sugar Pink

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    1. Thanks Jazmyn! Glad to hear from you again, I lost track of your blog along the way, but I've bookmarked you now :)

      I totally feel you about not contributing. But raising n your gorgeous little girl is such an important job! I feel like being a sahm would be so hard but so rewarding too. I would love to be one one day :)

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  2. Oh Susannah, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Being unemployed can be tough, it does mess with your feelings of worth. Don't let it get you down, the right opportunity will come along for you when the time is right. (how helpful is THAT?)

    But really, I hope you land something awesome for the new year. I don't want to crush your office work dreams, but from my experience, office workers (and most adults) still behave like they are in high school (maybe worse) - just a word of warning ;) I'm currently dealing with ridiculous cliquey behaviour from a 40 year old woman. So I hope you find an awesome office job that has cool people, decent pay, a nice work environment, good benefits and is intellectually and creatively stimulating. I'm aiming high for you! You deserve it girl :)
    xo

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    1. Ahh that is the one thing that makes me most nervous about an office job! But I think if I was getting paid well enough and had some benefits (health insurance would be nice!) I could probably get past that. That sucks you're dealing with cliquey stuff, especially from a 40 year old woman. Seriously?? Ugh.

      Thank you for your sweet words, I so appreciate them. xo

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    2. Just wanted to agree...
      Working with adults that behave like highschoolers might be worse than working with actual highschoolers. I deal with a sociopathic/gossip-mongering/evil 55 year old woman daily - it's not fun.
      BUT I have health insurance, so, I take the abuse. It's nothing that coming home to a bottle of wine at the end of the day doesn't make temporarily less sucky.

      I hope you find something that makes you happy (and pays the bills..aaand has benefits) soon! Don't give up, and don't be down on yourself, the right opportunity will come along.

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  3. Jeese as awful as this comes across its really relieving for me to see someone else is in the same situation as I am. I've been unemployed since October and after some VERY awful experiences with job trials I'm entering the new year jobless as well.
    We'll be ok I reckon. Good luck with your job hunt, its good to hear you're on an upswing :)

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    1. Totally not awful, that's half the reason I wrote it! Good luck, friend!

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  4. My boyfriend has been unemployed for over a year now. He's had his up's and downs with applying for things, at the moment he's still too fussy and has got almost comfortable with his routine of not working. It's hard to try and encourage him to apply without being critical or harsh but everyone has his best interests at heart.
    I know he finds it particularly hard when his applications don't even get acknowledged or the employers will you with false hope telling you you'll be perfect and would fit in, then giving the job to someone else.

    I know how horrible it must be for you, but perhaps work on your portfolio while you're job hunting, see if you can get work experience somewhere just to give you a boost in the office job direction.

    Good luck with all of it. I'll all come together, it's just a shame you have to go through the rubbish before you get there.

    xx

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    1. A few years back my boyfriend Chris was unemployed for 8 months or so. I remember wanting to encourage him to apply any and everywhere he could, and it started a fair share of arguments between us. Back then I was so frustrated because I was only trying to help! But now I TOTALLY understand how he felt. He asks every once in a while where I've applied, and I just get so irritated! I know he means well but it feels like he's checking up on me, and like I'm disappointing him. I really feel for both you and your boyfriend, it's a crappy situation all around. I'm getting to the point where I can't afford to be choosy, I'm planning on applying to local stores and coffee shops just to get something to hold me over. Good luck to you and your boyfriend, I hope everything works out for you! xo

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  5. I'm sad to hear you couldn't share this with anyone... I love reading your blog and I hate hearing that your struggling so.
    You absolutely have a million brilliant qualities which you must remember when those rejections come through (because you have to go through the bad to get to the good...), it sounds cheesy but PMA Get's you through! Positive Mental Attitude Miss S.Bean!!!
    It's difficult now, but you sound determined to get to what you'd like to do, that's the best way to be! Do the best that you can do and that's all you can give... remember that.
    When I first started in my company, I was in a Customer Service role with NO experience whatsoever (I was a hairdresser before, two ends of the scale eh?) but In 3 years I've worked my way into a job that I love. There's nothing wrong with having no experience, it's a starter for ten... a stepping stone... and you have to start somewhere!
    Your shop is incredible, you're very talented and you have so much going for you - keep us updated won't you? I'm rooting for ya!

    Katie xxx

    @BlueStrawberry4 - Tweet me if you need a chat!

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    1. Thank you so much for your input Katie. I do need to remind myself that I have to go through a lot of bad to find the good, and I agree, PMA is key!

      I totally feel like I'll find a job where I can work my way up to a position I like, it's just getting my foot in the door to start has been the tough part! I'll definitely keep you updated :)

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  6. I know too well how you feel and i can completely relate to all the feelings you described in your post. I was in a very similar situation... graduate, retail experience, and a whole lot of nothing else. Stayed at the same retail job after uni for nearly 3 years. Took up a nanny job, felt even more demeaned. Then decided to follow my passion for writing and do a distance learning course in journalism. I figured, im miserable, my "sensible" degree is getting me know wear, what have I to lose?

    Since I made that choice, things have progressively started looking up. I took risks and shocked myself in doing things I'd have been too scared to do before.

    If its an office job you re looking for, you should do an internship/ work experience/ volunteer somewhere, maybe a magazine, as editorial - they are always happy for free help. I did this and when people get used to seeing your face and see you are capable, its worth tonnes more than a piece of paper.

    Try and follow what you are passionate about, then it doesn't make the fight to get there so tiresome.

    Sorry, I've rambled on a bit, I just wanted to give you a little of my experience, so maybe it could help you even a little.

    sara

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    1. Hi Sara! Thank you for your input. Our stories sound pretty similar! I'm glad you were able to make the decision to start out in a new field, I've definitely thought about going back to school a few times! Good for you! I wish you the best of luck, and thank you for your support xo

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  7. I'm so sorry you are going through this. My BF used to work in politics, so he'd have a job for 3-4 months, then 3-4 months of unemployment. He decided he wanted to get out of politics and try to work in marketing, which meant he struggled even harder to get a job. He spent monthhhhhhhs upon months looking for a job and was really depressed about it. Finally, after nearly 5 months unemployed, he found a job after lots of rejections. It took a lot of patience, but he now has a full time job that he enjoys.

    Persistence is key, not that you haven't had that. It was so hard sitting by and not being able to help make the situation any better for him. I knew it would work out eventually, but it's hard to keep your head up for so long. Keep your chin up and know that this will be something you look back on and remember how you made it through!

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    1. Wow I bet his situation was tough! I feel like those two fields would be so high pressure! Good for him, though, I'm really glad he found a job he likes!

      Thanks for the reminder about persistence, I've really struggled with that and it's good to be reminded that it's key!!

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  8. My family owns a pretty successful manufacturing company. So, when I was in high school, I was never allowed to get a job unless it was there. And since I didn’t want to work there, my parents just gave me money for stuff. After high school, I worked for the family company and went to college part time. College didn’t pan out, and eventually I hated working there so much I left and found a job at a department store. Well, of course after being there awhile I wasn’t making enough to make ends meet, and they just wouldn’t give me enough hours so I kept putting in applications at other stores (as it turns out I quite like working in retail), and got not one single call back. Nothing, zip, nada. Eventually they cut my hours so bad that I had to return to my family’s company…which, though I am proud of and think it’s great that it’s so successful…is really boring and not something I ever pictured myself doing. Oh, and I’m only 26 by the way. I know what you’re going through and I really hope you find something soon!!! I am sure the right opportunity will show up soon!

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    1. Wow we have a lot in common! I always felt like working with family is damn near impossible. It was hardest when I was still living at home, I couldn't escape them. But it was pretty bad once I graduated and was living on my own. I felt like I would never be an adult in my family's eyes as long as I worked there.

      Thank you for your positivity, I know that I'll find something eventually. xo

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  9. Being unemployed can be tough especially when thinking that a creative shop (that may turn full time, or may not) can help sustain a lifestyle.
    I completely understand how you feel. I have been "jobless" since I moved to Chattanooga at the beginning of August. Within the past month is when I finally have gotten over the feeling of worthlessness. Despite the fact that I have been trying to make my shop my full time and it isn't going as swimmingly as I imagined. I am lucky that I am a position where I don't really have to pay bills at the moment.

    All I can say is, work on being present in the moment. Try some yoga and breathing exercises. But practicing your presence (in the HERE and NOW) should help. It has helped me tremendously. Also, reading books on spirituality has helped as well.

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    1. Gosh I really admire you for making your shop your full time gig! I do want to try to get into yoga, thanks for the reminder!

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  10. Don't feel bad. SO many people are in the same position as you. I feel lucky to have my job but if I got downsized or something tomorrow, I know I'd be in the same position. It's not easy at all right now. Have you thought about going through a temp-agency? It might get your foot in the door and get you some office-experience for your resume that you could then build on. Just a thought. I keep reading that 30 is the new 20 anyway ... so you're not behind at all. :) Good luck, you can do it!

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    1. Thanks mama :) I hadn't thought of a temp agency, but that's a really great idea! I've been holding on to the idea that 30 is the new 20, haha! So many people are saying how young I am and I have so much time ahead of me. Right now it doesn't feel that way, of course, but I know I'll look back and think "man, what was I worried about?"

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  11. job hunting is so hard. i'm sad it's dragging you down. :( sending positive thoughts your way and praying the perfect job will land on your lap very soon! i hope you're able to enjoy the holidays! Xx

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    1. Thank you, love! I appreciate your support :)

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  12. i hear you!! since we moved across country in april i've been looking for work in hospitals as an xray tech. all i've had is 2 interviews (1 wasn't even for an xray job) and no offers. I apply to jobs daily, search craigslist and indeed.com, tried networking, i even straight up mailed my resume and application to the radiology department head, bypassing the online app, but can't land anything. it makes me feel like an incompetent loser because i can't contribute financially to my family.

    i really have no idea what more to do and I am seriously honestly doubting i'll ever find a job ever ever again. the thought of filling out ONE MORE application literally makes my stomach hurt. I can't even get a job at Michael's. sorry for the vent! if you need to talk, I'm here though. the best thing i found that helps me is having something to look forward to each day. and for me, that's watching a few episodes on netflix. getting interested in new series or books. thats why i learned to crochet because i had to do something with my hands or i'd end up depressed.

    sorry for the novel ;)

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    1. As I was writing my post I remembered that you've blogged about your struggle with unemployment. Ugh it's so hard, I can't even imagine how a year would feel. A lot of people are recommending temp agencies, have you tried one?

      I'm going to apply to a bunch of Starbucks jobs today, apparently they have pretty decent benefits. A few years ago Chris was out of work for 8 months and them got hired at Target for minimum wage. To him it was almost worse than being unemployed! That's what I'm nervous about, I'll take a retail job and hate it but get stuck.

      New hobbies are a good idea! I've definitely enjoyed the time I've had to crochet, I just wish the stuff I've spent all this time designing would pay off in terms of sales. Oh well :)

      Thanks for your comment, love. It means a lot to know there are other people going through the same thing!

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  13. I hope that things on the job front get better for you, it's a tough time of year to find a new job!

    If you are wanting an office job, why not find some courses or tutorials online (for word, excel, whatever programs you would need to use at the office job!) that could help occupy your time and help you feel like you are at least moving towards something for your future, I think that could really help!

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    1. That's a good idea, I do need to brush up on excel! I took a typing test for an application a little while back and then spent the next few hours doing free speed tests online, it was kinda fun, haha!

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    2. I def. agree with brushing up on your computer courses. It may sound silly, but taking those courses and putting them on your resume is a big step in the right direction right now, if you want an office job. I have an office job, and my mom hires for six different office departments, and she always tells me the first thing she looks for is job experience. Also, if you want, get a license. I know you can get an insurance license fairly easily, if your state requires them, and that would open doors to insurance office jobs. It may not be your niche but it's a start! :)

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  14. i know exactly how you feel. earlier this year i was unemployed and it was realllyyy hard on my ego. just keep your chin up and apply to everything you absolutely can! something will come along, i promise!

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    1. Thank you, sometimes all I need is to hear that it'll all work out!

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  15. Love this, this is exactly how I feel. It is so hard & I don't know what to tell you because you aren't undesirable......believe me! I felt the same upswing & it was awesome to realize that people do like you and want the things you put so much effort into! I loved my office job & would love to have one again. My first job post college was with recent graduated high school students as well (I was a hotel front desk person at a buuuussssyyy resort!). The only 'adults' that were there were my boss (who was in an office all day), an older woman in her 50s, & another girl my age who had to work a second job because we didn't get paid very well. I was soooo proud to move up to Office Manager when I took a different position at a different place!

    I've said this before to someone & i don't remember who but, I don't think it's wrong to be satisfied (like with an office job). I don't think it's wrong to want stability & the simple things like weekends off. I don't think it's wrong to want to just be satisfied with where you are and to stop striving to be something more for someone else, ya know. Thats all I want! A job where you don't have to take the stress of it home with you, a job where you do your job & you're appreciated for doing it. A job that is both financially supportive & emotionally supportive. But it's ok to want a calm life.

    Personally the goals I strive to work for, to be successful at don't involve the position I am at a place of employment. I don't want to be the boss in charge of other people (it would be nice, but it would be stressful!) I'd rather be working towards being the boss of me! You know what I mean? I want to come home from a simple, stable job to work on what I love....something to buy the yarn & the clay & the ad space! :) :) I feel the same as Jazmyn above, I don't feel I'm contributing to the couple that is Zach & I...it's very, very hard even though I have family in my life & Zach who understand. It's a lot of emotion.

    Anyway, I am so sorry you're in this boat. It does stink but thank you for being so real. I appreciate you being open & sharing what's going on in your life especially because I needed some validation to know that I'm not alone. I am so happy that your shop seemed to pick up it's fun to work on new stuff!! I do hope you enjoy your Holidays!!

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  16. Maybe this is naive of me, but I think you have such a nice thing going with your blog - you have fabulous style, great photography, cute original designs - that I'd love to see you make it work as a career. Have you thought about selling patterns instead (or in addition to) finished accessories? Writing a book proposal? Teaching classes? Those are just some ideas that come to my mind for you. Of course you have to pay the bills somehow, but don't give up on big dreams!

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  17. I have been in your shoes, and I know it seems hopeless but you WILL find a great job because you are AWESOME! I was unemployed in 2011 from March to July and I felt like I would NEVER find another job. I got so scared and so depressed, and then the PERFECT job came along and it all fell into place. Keep your chin up! xoxo

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  18. I've been there! I left a really unhealthy retail job (at the age of 27 mind you) and it has been a struggle every since but I finally found the right job at the University in my city. Though it was a struggle, I never truly regretted leaving retail because I had made myself sick from the stress and attitudes I was around. My suggestion is, if it's a possibility, to sign up with as many local temp agencies as you can. Maybe brush up on your computer skills if that's needed because you have to take these (mind numbing) tests once you sign up but they often have a TON of office connections, many temp to hire (and it's how I found the job that's really good for me.) This difficult time is not a reflection on your or your talents and abilities. Focus on the good and you will find the right path!!

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  19. I know that you're going to get a lot of people telling you that you're great and wonderful and all of those things (because well, you are!) but what I have to say is a little bit different, enjoy this time...still apply and try hard to get a job if that is what you want, but you know what? If you end up working in retail or serving (ps: that's where the money is - tips baby, haha!) so be it...we only live once and once you enter that 'grown up' world and get that 'adult' job you can't really go backwards. Though it does sound like you're ready for something 'real' don't try to force it, it will happen and you're a positive girl so I know that it will for you!

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  20. So.. I feel like I read my life story back to myself.
    Strange feeling. Looking for a job sucks. Especially when you feel like you've done the time doing something "beneath you" and you're ready for the next step in life.
    I also worked at a family business throughout high school and when I graduated from college. I had to leave because of a bad situation between employees and management.
    The right job will come along. Never keep searching but for the mean time find something that will hold you over. It's not a bad thing to be working, a not so fun job, to get to where you want to be.
    I'm over the job I'm working right now but the thought of sending in applications kills me!
    Keep your chin up. Plus all the stuff at your shop is amazing! With some more exposure I"m sure you could make a living with it.
    You are worth it! You are worth it! You are awweeesome!

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  21. I totally get where you are coming from. After college (and even after grad school) it took me a while to find anything. I wound up temping after college because I couldn't find a legit job in my field and did it way longer than I wanted to. It got me out of the house, put some money in my pocket, but totally decimated my self esteem. The job hunt is just... hard, and kind of terrible. No one can tell you different. If anyone has some magic solution, please let me know. All I can tell you is try not to get down on yourself. These companies don't know YOU so it isn't YOU they aren't calling back, it's a piece of paper. Things will happen, they just take WAY more time then we want.

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  22. First off, office jobs ROCK! seriously I told my husband years ago (while I still worked SAHM now) being a paper pusher, crunching numbers, filling out forms is what I was made for and it actually makes me HAPPY. So if that is what makes you happy go for it, who cares if its an unconventional happiness.
    Second, have you looked for jobs outside your comfort zone? I had no idea when I applied for a cashier position at Toyota in 2006 that it would turn into a wonderful experience and while I did eventually move up in the food chain and even go from one dealership to another (moved across the state) one of my all time FAVORITE jobs EVER!!! Not only did I get the office job I craved, but worked with great people and now know when I have an idiot working on my car ;)
    Its rough I know it is, I have gone thru many a long dry spell of job hunts and with no real college experience trust me I get the self doubt. But realize you ARE something special and someone will be damn proud to call you their employee one day. Its better to wait for the right fit then jump right in and have it not work out, so thank those first applications that never called you back, probably wouldn't have worked and would have given you a headache or two. The right job for you will come, maybe not today or next week or next month but it will come and you will be glad you 'held out' for it, promise.

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  23. Man oh man, I feel like you wrote that for me or something, haha! I totally feel you girl, and I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It's super frustrating and confusing and sometimes even damaging to feel like you're not good enough for what you want to be doing. You totally are though! I'm sure something really awesome will come along. That's what I keep telling myself anyway, haha! I work very part-time as a babysitter. I have a degree that I don't want to use, and all of my experience is working with kids. But I want to wear nice clothes and work with adults, too! It's so hard to get started. I seriously feel like we are on the exact same page, as far as everything you wrote about. Good luck with everything!!

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  24. I sort of know exactly how you feel. I've left a couple jobs because of the unhealthy environment (emotionally) and my entire work life has been pretty inconsistent. Just this year though, I found out I have a chronic auto-immune disease so now I can't work because of my health. It sucks because the government doesn't want to help me and I can't work so I have absolutely no way to pay bills. Luckily I have a supportive boyfriend but again, I know how you feel. It's hard to feel worthy when everyone around you has to go to work and can pull their weight. Just remember to think positive thoughts and talk about how you feel. That can really be the best medicine. If you think good things, good things will come.

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  25. I randomly dream of unemployment, but then I have 3 days off and I get bored. Super bored.

    I'm sorry that you haven't found anything, but it is best to find something that you're happy doing.

    I graduated college in June and got a job in my field of study in August. They violated my rights and thought I was too stupid to say no to unsafe work, so I had the choice of being let go or demoted, so I demoted myself in November. I enjoy my field of study, but there are so many different ways of doing it. For me, as a Child and Youth Care Worker, I found out that I don't like the group home setting. I enjoy the part of bringing the clients to their jobs and helping them earn money instead of catering to their every need.

    I think, if you really love designing new things for your shop or baking, or whatever else, then you should find another avenue of getting that out there to make a good living where you won't be 'unemployed'. I'm not sure what that avenue is for you, but I think it's possible for you to find.

    :)

    xo

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  26. Oh sweetie I know this situation all too well because I was there. From August 2008 till February 2010. I was laid off (but it was worded a different way) and they gave me a little cushion that lasted a little bit but I was not anticipating being out of work for as long as I was. Yeah at first I was just gonna live off that money and "be my own boss" like the shiny happy people you saw on Etsy. That didn't quite happen because in early 2009 was when the recession started and everything went to shit. I must have applied to hundreds of jobs and never even got a rejection letter. I work in Human Resources so I am aware of just how many resumes come in on a daily basis. I was totally freaking out. Finally I joined not one but TWO temp agencies and they found me some gigs to tie me over (about six months) until I landed my current job. Believe me when I say it won't always be this way.

    Have you looked into temp agencies? Even if you don't have a lot of office experience, they can maybe find you something using the skills you do have and perhaps learn some more. Even if they find you work for one month, it's something to add to your resume.

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  27. When I graduated from graduate school I looked for work for about 8 months. It was SO hard. I had this idea that I would be able to get a job anywhere because that's what I had been told in school. It was just rejection after rejection and it was terrible. I totally know how you feel! Just keep your chin up and keep trying. Maybe you should have someone look over your resume and help you make it perfect. Maybe also look at composing a really nice cover let explaining your work experience and what you've learned that may not be reflected in your resume itself. Good luck! I hope things turn around for you.

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  28. i know it's hard, but i'm glad you shared this post. it took me so many tries to find a job after i graduated. i would apply and apply, and then NOTHING. finally i re-wrote my resume and started getting call backs. i worked a ho-hum jewelry retail job for a few months, knowing it was a dead end. i decided i wanted to work in a bakery but i didn't feel like i was qualified at all. so i took a few cake decorating classes and applied at a local bakery. they didn't hire for MONTHS but as soon as they did, i got a call from them. i eventually got promoted there to another bakery that i ended up hating, but even those months of working retail and then an entry bakery level job led me to the awesome job i have now.

    i guess i just wanted to say that it sounds like even though you recognize it sucks, it seems you are staying positive, and that is really important. also, even though it seems super shitty, if you end up taking a *whatever* job then it could actually lead to something you never expected. (also, you are more inclined to leave it if you find your dream job while there!) i mean, i know it's a stretch, but i was in your shoes a little over a year ago and if you would have told me then that i'd be at a dream job. . . well, you know, i wouldn't believe ya =] and it all started at a little jewelry boutique when i realized i deserved better than that. . .

    hang in there lady, things will turn around sooner than you know!

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  29. Wow. This post really hit home with me. I graduated with my Master of Arts degree in May and searched for employment for around four months before I was hired for a job. Out of the many jobs I applied for, only two ever called me back. I'm not good at rejection either and not having anyone call me back really wore me down. Not only this but trying to write the perfect cover letter and resume gets really old after a certain amount of time. I also feel like those on the outside saw my inability to find a job as my own fault. It's easy to think finding a job will be easy until you're in that position, right?!? I sure underestimated how hard it would be to find a job. I mean, we've been told all our lives that if we stay in school and graduate college that there will be plenty of job opportunities waiting for us but that just isn't the case right now. Most of the jobs I have seen are offering pretty low wages and taking a low paying job is just not realistic for those that have student loans to pay back. I was finally hired at a company that provides home based services to the less fortunate among us. The pay was pretty great, there were benefits, the managers appeared friendly, and the only downside was that you had to work one day each weekend. I put in a lot of time and effort during the two weeks of training and felt after the first week that I was getting the hang out it. My second week on the job came and without any kind of notice or warning, the HR people sat down and said they had to terminate my employment immediately. I pushed and pushed for an explanation but they were very rude to me and would only say that I wasn't a "good fit" for the job which is a total bs reason. I didn't even earn two full paychecks and they did this to me a few weeks before the holidays. I can't even apply for unemployment! I even had to apply for a deferment of my student loan because I now have no money to make monthly payments with. However, if I would have done a little research about this company I could have saved myself a lot of trouble because it's well known around the community that the company is really shady and unethical. There are even other social service agencies that refuse to work with the company because they are so terrible. Unfortunately, Indiana is a right to work/at-will employment state so there is little that I can do. My advice to you would be to make sure you do some research about the company and ask around before taking a position. Thank goodness I'm an only child and have my parents to support me until I can find suitable employment. I have no idea what I would have done if I didn't have my parents support. At 24 years old I am single, unemployed, broke/living with my parents, and owe student loans but I definitely know that things could be much worse than they are. However, a new year is upon us and I feel that good things are to come. It may take some time but I feel we will both find our place in the work world soon :). Good luck!

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  30. I'm in the absolute same situation. I had an actual brick and mortar pinup/vintage clothes shop, for the whole of 5 months....leaving me with tonnes of debt. I started uni and started applying for part time jobs, even in Aldi, which I guess could be similar to a walmart. My boyfriend pays for everything, all our bills, everything, it's soul destroying not being able to support myself. But knowing that I will be able to soon, and my studies will lead to hopefully a good job, I have hope :). All it takes is just that one chance, remember that :) xx

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  31. I can relate to this post SO much right now. I quit my job in August 2011 to go on my big "I graduated college and I want to do something crazy" road trip. I ended up getting very sick which then turned into a deep depression. I finally started getting better, had that awful thing happen to me, and ended up getting depressed again. I've been feeling a lot better for awhile now but I'm having such a hard time finding a job. I let the thoughts of "I've wasted over a year of my life doing absolutely nothing" bring me down almost daily. I feel like such a failure for turning 26 in 11 days and not having a job. I have to say, I feel a lot better knowing I'm not alone. I hope you find a job soon, and if you ever need to talk, feel free to email me!
    xoxo, Abby

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  32. Thanks so much for your honesty! Last year, aged 28, I moved to the US from the UK to be with my now husband and I ended up having to wait seven months for all the paperwork to go through until I was able to get my SSN and start applying for positions. At first I was really picky with my applications, I got a few calls back, but nothing worked out. In the end, even though I swore I wouldn't do it (particularly as I had a job I loved back home) I went back to retail. I'm fortunate to have a few freelance projects here and there and I do get to work with books, but I'm still trying to get myself back to where I was. It's a slow road and those months of feeling helpless and getting rejection after rejection were really tough. My advice would be to volunteer as much as you can while you still have the free time. I used to help out at a local animal shelter and a kids writing centre and even if I felt like crap when I left the house, I always returned feeling like I had done something worthwhile that day. Good luck! And don't forget to be nice to yourself!

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  33. I'm in the same boat, miss! Things will happen for us, don't worry :)

    <3 Megan
    http://kiddotv.blogspot.com

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  34. Thanks for keeping it real! So many times, we tend to see someone's blog - and we see all the wonderful stuff about them. And we think "why the heck can't I be that flippin awesome?????" ;)It's nice to see the real behind the blogger.
    And from one Etsian to another, I've gotta say, I LOVE your style. Your designs are super cute. Have you ever thought of selling the patterns to your designs? When I started selling the patterns for my designs, things really picked up. It's a whole different market. (Just an idea ;P )
    Keep your chin up. You are a beautiful person - and I LOVE stalking your blog. Best of luck with the job search. Fingers crossed for ya!

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  35. I think I've had about 3 years of unemployment all together. It's rough. As someone who has done HR though I would suggest you try and find volunteer work until you find something paying. Having volunteer experience gives you something to put on your resume and fill in gaps in employment.

    I recently went back to retail after being laid off and going back to school. Sometimes we do what we have to do.

    Sarah
    bringmoreyarn.blogspot.com

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  36. two words: transferable skills.

    being in the same job for 4+ years show loyalty, commitment and job satisfaction. it tells employers that you are worth investing in, because you're a stayer not a player. working in hospitality is one of *the best* platforms to start from; customer service, organisational skills, inventory, taking and placing orders, internal and external communication, team work and working under pressure - each of these skills look amazing on a CV and any recruiter would be dumb to look past them.

    being unemployed sucks. we've all been there. there is a light at the end of the tunnel though. you made this decision, for you. the perfect job is just around the corner.. you just haven't made the turn yet.

    erica
    www.imbeingerica.com

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  37. I think it's awesome you shared this. It's nice to read something real! I don't want to discourage you by saying that right now it's tough out there, but it is :( You just have to make that resume/cover letter sing. Talk about your Etsy business (deadlines, delivery) and boost the honesty, money management, customer service aspect of working in a restaurant. I don't claim to be an expert, but if you're willing to do admin, you just need a few key words.

    Anyway, I wish you luck! I think as difficult as unemployment is, an unhealthy work environment where you spend the majority of your time is SO MUCH WORSE. I currently hate my job and have zero respect for my boss and most coworkers. I considering quitting on a daily basis! So I applaud you for taking care of yourself. And hopefully, after the holidays, opportunities will open up for you :)

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  38. I think it's awesome you shared this. It's nice to read something real! I don't want to discourage you by saying that right now it's tough out there, but it is :( You just have to make that resume/cover letter sing. Talk about your Etsy business (deadlines, delivery) and boost the honesty, money management, customer service aspect of working in a restaurant. I don't claim to be an expert, but if you're willing to do admin, you just need a few key words.

    Anyway, I wish you luck! I think as difficult as unemployment is, an unhealthy work environment where you spend the majority of your time is SO MUCH WORSE. I currently hate my job and have zero respect for my boss and most coworkers. I considering quitting on a daily basis! So I applaud you for taking care of yourself. And hopefully, after the holidays, opportunities will open up for you :)

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  39. I really hope you find a job soon! I'm still in university but I've been looking for a part-time job and couldn't find anything, and earlier in the summer I couldn't find a job and was freaking out about how to pay for tuition, so even though I was busy with school it still really messed with my feelings of self-worth. It all worked out in the end though, so that`s good. If you`re applying to retail stores and restaurants, there are still some that are better than others though. Like bookstores are much nicer than clothing stores, and Starbucks is way better than McDonald`s etc. Hopefully you can find something that works for you, and I really hope you find an office job that you love!

    -Lindsey

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  40. I've been creeping on your blog for awhile, and I feel like I totally understand you. I'm just here to say that, I NEVER had an "adult job" until about 6 months ago, and I'm almost 27! I've worked in restaurants my ENTIRE working career (with a few stints in retail) and it'll happen. I can even share my sob story of getting my adult job, only to have it ripped from my hands, before I started my first day. (And I got the news 2 days before I graduated from college, 10 minutes before a final) So I grappled with the insecurity of being a single mom, fresh outta college with NOTHING. Because I had already quit my other two jobs thinking that I had finally been granted good will with this new job. I get it. It's rough. But I'm glad you're starting to come out on the other side. Life always has a way of working out, even if it's not how we thought. :) Keep your chin up girl!

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  41. Corporate America is a toughy, Susannah bean. I really adore your willingness to prevail though! You are such a great person, and you will be successful no matter what you do! Growing up, I had what I called 'random' experience (retail, restaurant work). Then one day I just said to myself, "I wanna work in an office". So I just applied EVERYWHERE. Places I knew would never even call me back, and you know what? One of those 'nevers' did call me! I've worked in dentist offices, car corporation offices, counseling centers, and now I work in a university admissions office. I have no educational experience in higher education (mostly American history/ high school education). I only got the job because they said they really liked my personality! I remember acting like a total goofball in the interview process from being so nervous! Even if you don't really believe in ~fate, just know that things happen for a reason! Doors close because they can open, so take a peek at what's on the other side!! (omgz so deep, right?)

    -Danielle

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  42. Sometimes you aren't right for the job and sometimes the job isn't right for you. Try not to take it personally when the offer doesn't come. It just takes time to find the right job for you. One thing is for sure, you won't find the right job if you don't keep looking... so hang in there and it will all work out! Best of luck to you!!! :) Cheers! Katie

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  43. I know that the tough stuff can be the hardest to share with people, especially in such a vast public capacity, but I truly thank you for being willing to candidly share this with your readers. I know the feeling of being in that place--it took me until my late 20's to reach a point where I felt like I was working toward my "career" (whatever that even means!) I was always so angry with myself when I couldn't seem to figure it all out.

    You are an amazing gal and I wish you all the best!

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  44. This doesnt help much, but I didnt get my first office job until I was 27. It is great, but not everything. Hang in there! You can do it. I know you will get something great. I am struggling with my own issues right now(relationship, not job related) and we will get thru them!

    Sarah

    www.etsy.com/shop/owleyevintage

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  45. I'm sending you some love and hope via the interwebs! I pray that you will no longer be unemployed by 2013.

    Chandra

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  46. I don't know if it's of any interest, or if you've already considered or applied, but my very favorite job of all the jobs I've had was front desk at a salon. Granted, it's not an office, but you'd be doing similar things as far as administrative/clerical duties go. Plus you definitely get to wear cute clothes and be yourself. Depending on where you go, you won't have to cover up ink/take out plugs/etc. Just some food for thought!

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  47. Hi, this is actually the first post I read on your blog. I somehow found my way here looking for Derek Cardigan glasses? Strange, I know.
    Anyway, have you tried going through a temp agency? That is how I landed my first office job. Usually they have you take some tests to assess your skills in Word, Excel, etc. That way potential employers can actually see that you have some skills. At the time, my only experience was retail, so I think having those scores and the help/support of the temp agency really helped me get my foot in the door. I landed the first job I interviewed for.
    Good luck to you! I wish all good things for you in 2013!

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  48. I know this post isn't brand new, so maybe your job situation has changed since writing this. If not, hang in there. My husband was unemployed for a few months and I know it really did a number on his self esteem. He ended up taking the first job he found and from there, got several better offers and is at a job he really enjoys now. Stay positive and you will find something eventually!

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  49. Congrats on the new job! (Newest post) I just read this post and it hits home for me... I'm at 6 months... (Have a BS and MAE and 2 teaching credentials... And nothing)... It's a scary world now. Thank you for helping me feel like I'm not alone, even though it sometimes feels that way. We're all connected somehow. :) thanks...

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  50. Congrats on the new job! (Newest post) I just read this post and it hits home for me... I'm at 6 months... (Have a BS and MAE and 2 teaching credentials... And nothing)... It's a scary world now. Thank you for helping me feel like I'm not alone, even though it sometimes feels that way. We're all connected somehow. :) thanks...

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  51. Congrats on your new job (recent post)! And thank you for posting this one. It's been about 7 months for me and the points you made really hit home. I have a Bachelors degree, MAE and two teaching credentials and still can't
    Find something. It's a scary world we live in now. Your post made me feel like I'm not alone, even though I sometimes feel that way. We're all connected somehow. Thank you. :)

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Hey there! Thanks so much for your comment! I read every one I get, and I try to reply as much as I can. You can also email me if you want! susannahbean AT gmail DOT com.

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