6.27.2012

Stripes and Responsibility.

Dress: Akira (last year)
Shoes: Saltwaters

Lately I've been doing a lot of reflecting on who I am and how I got to be this way, mostly because I just turned 26 and it's a weird age and I feel old, but I also feel really young and unprepared, and it's made me sit and think about a lot of stuff, so I thought I'd share some of it with you. None of the stuff I've been thinking about has really gotten me anywhere, if anything I've been left with more questions than answers, but I'm ok with that :)

I mentioned that I feel old but also really young at the same time... I'm not sure if you've ever had that feeling, but it's followed me around my whole life. I feel like I'm mature, and I'm confident in myself, but when I look at other people I feel completely immature in comparison. I remember being a freshman in high school, seeing the seniors and thinking "Man, they're like adults, and they look so much older and cooler than me!". And then I got to my senior year, and I felt nothing like how I imagined those seniors did. I felt like a little kid. I still feel like a little kid most of the time. I look at other people my age and they seem like adults, with adult responsibilities, and the capability of dealing with those responsibilities like adults. But here's me, who shies away from any adult decisions or responsibilities (hello, my car needed an oil change like 4,000 miles ago...). But in a lot of ways I appreciate that I feel so young still, it makes me realize I'm not in any hurry. A lot of my friends are getting married and having kids, and while I do so badly want those things, I also have enough confidence in myself to know that I'm not totally ready for that stuff yet. I know I will be when the time comes, but I don't need to rush it.

I guess what it boils down to is that I still have plenty of growing up to do, but I'm not going to force myself to become something I'm not. I need to stop feeling negative about the fact that I'm doing things different than my peers. We're all on our own paths. Of course I'll tackle the silly things like getting an oil change, but I don't really feel like I need to grow up and act my age. I like who I am, and all of this is a part of me. I hope this makes at least a little sense, it's a weird thing to put into words! 

Have any of you ever felt like you're "behind" compared to other people?
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32 comments:

  1. Beautiful, beautiful dress. Can I borrow it? ;)

    I understand that feeling of being behind. I try not to dwell on it because I've finally come to grips with the fact that everyone is different and everyone's adventure is different.

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    1. Thank you :) I try to remind myself that everyone's path is different, but sometimes I have trouble celebrating for others and not feeling down on my own path. But those times are much less often than the positive ones!

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  2. Isn't there a saying, something like, every one acts like an adult but we're all pretending or something? I always think that no one knows what they are doing...we're all pretending we know how to be adults.

    But there's no rule book, nothing says you have to know what you are doing & if someone tells you that you should know, then they obviously don't know either. I think it's one of those things where you are going to judge people or say things to people based on your insecurities, if that makes sense. They are scared so they are going to point you out so they don't feel alone.

    I definitely feel behind even thought I know I am slightly a bit ahead of my peers in that I have a job where I can use my degree. I'm not pursuing a million dollar career, I want to use my art degree. I don't end up with more month at the end of my money but I'm not raking in the cash either. I wrote a post yesterday about even though I've been able to be responsible for all of my financial obligations this year (on time & on my own), the fact that I don't have as much money as others seems to be negative. I've been able to meet all my bills on time, set aside money for my savings, & put money towards creating art....I pretty much break even at the end of the month. I would rather be happy than have pocket change..I am just thankful I am able to save! I feel that I'm living a great life with wonderful friends, family, & someone who supports me.

    Long comment short, if you feel confident & comfortable where you are then that is the important part let others worry about growing old...stay young my friend!

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    1. Money and job status (whatever weird construct I've created around that) are a huge roadblock for me. I'm not very good with it, and don't have much of it, so of course I think about it a lot! I am trying to not put so much importance in it.

      I've heard that saying, and I love it! Totally want to find the real quote and do a DIY wall art or something so I remind myself daily :)

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  3. I've definitely felt that way before. In the last year though I have started feeling a lot more grown up. I work on a college campus, and it was hard at first to deal with not being a student anymore. It seems like now I can look at them doing their student-y things and not feel that intense longing to join them. I've kind of settled into being a "grown-up" I guess. But I will always enjoy silliness and childish things...I don't think that goes away, even at 70 years old. I think you approach it the right way, though. I think being young and carefree is a great thing, at any age :)

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    1. That's so great you've been able to separate the two! Your comment got me thinking and I realized that part of my whole hang-up about this is that when I graduated college, due to not knowing what career I wanted to pursue and my family needing my help, I went back to work at my dad's restaurant that I worked at in high school. That's totally affected me and is definitely a part of this whole thing. Glad I'm realizing it now and can work through it! Thanks xoxo

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  4. Oh yeah - I feel like that a lot. I don't have a real job and have no idea what I want to do. I keep hoping I will just figure it out, but it's stressful when I see people my age starting impressive careers. I think it will all happen in it's own time!

    Emily

    P.S. That dress is gorgeous and looks great with the color of your hair!

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    1. That's how I look at it, everything happens when it should. But I also know I'm in control of my life, and I could make changes if I needed to... It's a weird thing to balance out! I think early to mid 20s are so hard because it's like everything happens all at once- graduate, career, marriage, babies, etc. So many milestones in a small amount of time that it's hard not to feel like you're missing out. Xoxo

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  5. First I gotta say I love this outfit you look absolutely devine!

    Second, I completely agree with you. I feel behind in so many different parts of my life I feel like i should be doing certain things that other people are doing.
    But on the other hand I feel much more mature then most people with choices I make. Its def a weird feeling, i'm turning 26 this year too and I feel kinda strange like i'm sitting on a fence of where my life is suppose to be going..

    Ok ill stop rambling. But I totally get you girl

    xoxo larissa

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  6. Your post pretty much sums up my whole life! I'm doing all these things that should make me an adult but I don't feel like one. This year alone: I graduated, got my first 'real' job, got engaged, turned 21 and moved in with my fiance. All pretty big things right? I still play Sims3 on weekends and go on midnight icecream trips...

    I don't think you ever feel your age unless you let yourself :) be easy on yourself! I love your blog and your dress and yeah this is an essay so I'll go now X

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  7. I did exactly the same thing at school, thinking my life would be sorted and so different when I got to the highest grade but nope, still felt like little old me. University has changed me and I can tell that growth but I have to agree with you. My question to you, however, is, how do you know those people are grown up and responsible? perhaps they feel exactly the same way that you do they just come across differently, and then perhaps the exact same thing is happening vice versa and people look at you and wish they were as grown up. I know this changes nothing for you, but I think it's less about perception, more about how you feel, and accepting the stage you're at. You're gona learn this stuff, so don't sweat it :) xx

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  8. I am COMPLETELY the opposite! I have always felt a frustration at being so young. I'm almost 22 and place myself in my early 30s - even my mother, who is only 40, considers me to be around 33/34. I feel so trampled down when people tell me to hold my horses and to appreciate my youth, because I just don't feel like I fit in with anybody my age, I get a bit embarrassed when I have to tell people I'm only 21 (like I can't be taken seriously) and I find that the people I identify with have always been much older than me. I'm just hoping I've got another 10 years of feeling awkward, and then I'm going to "grow into" myself and finally feel at peace!

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  9. Feel compared? As someone who reads fashion/lifestyle bloggers? Never at all... ;-)

    I think the weirdest comparison is definitely that whole "why aren't you married and popping out babies yet?" aspect that seems to be so pervasive on the internet. I catch myself feeling oddly competitive with complete strangers who announce their engagements. I love my partner, and I love our life together, and the fact that we don't want a wedding/marriage/official paperwork is so totally okay with our lifestyle. It just feels weird reading about other girls' weddings.

    You're definitely doing it right--go your own pace, and be the person *you* want to be. It's (way more than) okay if your life doesn't look like others!

    Also, I almost bought that dress last year. I'm jealous of you and your height for making it look good. On me it looked like a misfired parachute.

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  10. I like your eye make-up!

    I understand how you're feeling. I'm turning 26 in august and I don't feel grown-up yet. I still have to finish my studies and I'm not yet ready for the big 'adult' lifestyle, though it doesn't scare me anymore as much as it used to. But on the other hand, age is just a number. And you're right, everyone should follow their own path.
    I saw an episode of The Sopranos a few days ago in which Tony Soprano's therapist says that, nowadays, 26 is the new 21. In these times, people become an adult at a later age, because they have so much information to process and to make so many choices, that it kind of delays growing up. So, don't worry, you'll have plenty of time to become a 'real' adult ;)

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  11. oh man, i so understand this post! for me, i have days where i feel so on it and responsible, and then the next day, i feel so lost and little! makes sense?
    you look beautiful- love the stripes!

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  12. i feel you! i'll be 27 this december and 26 has been a tough year for me. but then i realized that all these pressures i've been feeling were all my own doing. keep it cool! enjoy being 26 (i heard 30 is a hard one too). you'll figure it out for sure and things always have their way of falling into place somehow. :)

    and how pretty can this dress get? so stunning! perfect for summer! :)

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  13. you are always so lovely, girl. and i actually have been on the hunt for that same dress for a very long time but shops are always sold out of it!

    btw, i'm 27 going on 28 and am determined to make the best of where i'm at right now. i don't always succeed but i believe it's a process. you're not alone. :)

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  14. I feel like this too. I'm just 24 and I feel so young. I see people I went to school with having babies and I can't imagine feeling grown up enough for that.

    But then I think that I'm in my mid-20s. That is SO adult. It sounds adult to me. I always thought 18 was adult, so 24 is well beyond that. I just don't feel as grown up as I think I should at this age.

    Becky
    xx

    http://www.beckybedbug.com

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  15. I'm 26. I'll be 27 in September. I have 3 kids and I've been married for 6 years this year. I still feel like a kid most of the time. I don't think you ever really grow up... I think you just change depending on what's happening in life.

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  16. i have definitely felt that way, right through my late 20's and now i am 31 and i am starting to feel the complete opposite, in a way... but still behind.

    i am 31 and am still renting, i am getting married next year but i don't have babies or a high paying job. i struggle to get by month to month... but i still feel like life is passing me by some days and i am too old to do certain things now.

    weird, i know!!

    on a side note, i love your bangs!

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  17. Sweetie I'm 34 & I still feel like a kid! I don't have kids, a mortgage, a car, even a pet! It's just the way my life has worked out so far, but I think that along as you remember to stay true to yourself whilst paying the bills maybe you won't feel grown up until you see a grey hair?!

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  18. My boyfriend and I just had a conversation about this at dinner tonight. This is exactly how I have always felt. I feel the same way no matter what my age. I am always amazed when my friends get married and have kids because I still feel SO YOUNG. It's very strange but I guess it's a good thing to always feel young right? :)

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  19. You look amazing! I love that dress :]

    I know what you mean about feeling old and young at the same time. I moved across the country on my own, which was a pretty big move...but I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I feel like so many other people just have it all figured out. I'm surrounded by adorable families and successful artists and sometimes it just frustrates me that I don't feel like I can achieve those things when I'm practically the same age as them.

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  20. its funny because i never feel like i fit in age-wise with anyone. Everyone my age (25 ish) is getting married, having kids, etc. when I think about that it makes me feel as if im "behind" everyone else. But when I am around other friends, i feel like i am so much "older" than they are. It's seems i will never feel a certain age, or do what is considered "appropriate" for my age. But i've decided that where i am in my life is exactly where i am supposed to be regardless of others' decisions or paths. it's been a struggle but i feel like i am finally accepting that this is exactly what's meant for me!

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  21. First of all, I completely love your outfit! Secondly, I get where you are coming from! I remember feeling the same way in high school, like when I was a senior I didn't feel anything like how I imagined it felt. And now that I just graduated college and started a new job, that doesn't make me feel as grown up as I thought it would either. I'm already married too. But I still feel like a kid alot? It's weird. I just keep telling myself that it's really a good thing and it will keep me young, hopefully one day I will find out that I was right. And I'm glad you don't feel pressured about marriage, kids, blah, blah, blah. I have so many friends that either feel like they are on a time crunch to get it all done, or others that criticize others (like me) that got married pretty young. I just figure, when you know it's time, it's time. There's no right or wrong age for things like that to happen, they just do. Love these kind of posts where we get to have heart to heart talks! :)

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  22. i most definitely feel that way...i feel old and young at the same time, and sometimes I don't know what I want regarding anything..it's all a learning process and when I get upset with myself for not moving "fast enough" or for not being where i think i should be, i just remember that everyone has a different path, the more you force it, the harder it will be..it's much easier to let things ride out the way theyre supposed to :) <3

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  23. I adore this dress on you, you look perfect!

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  24. I absolutely agree. I'm 25 and I'm not married, I don't have kids... hell, I don't even have a boyfriend! I try not to compare myself to others, as hard as it is... we're all different and that's awesome!

    Sidenote: love the dress, and these photos of you in it!

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  25. this is going to sound awkward, but just let it happen: i want your face.

    LOL :)

    just found you today and i love you, no big deal.
    www.dysfunctionaleverafter.com

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  26. I'm 31 and I still feel like this! I think that growing up, but keeping yourself young at heart would be a good way to approach the years that you are headed towards.

    I feel like a kid even around my younger friends, only because some of them have children and thats a huge thing we dont have in common. I know that I have my own responsibilities that I do handle.. but really I'm glad my life isn't so serious that I can't at least enjoy it!

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  27. i think regardless of where i am in life (even when i might be the one "on top") i find that that feels never lasts for long or i find a new comparison.

    my struggle: people who know what their career is or what they love doing. i really struggle with that even though i am a teacher.

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  28. It's nice to see there are 20 other commenters on here who are in the same boat! I'm 28 and I think my entire feeling towards age is based on how much I don't have a career. I want to make crafty things and be a housewife and even though I finished a degree in microbiology, I work at a coffee shop to make ends meet. I thought I'd have things together by now...

    On another note - my boyfriend is 32 and is pretty much a kid. Sure he's going to school and going grey, but his life of zero responsibility and playing warhammer doesn't seem to be going anywhere either. Alas.

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Hey there! Thanks so much for your comment! I read every one I get, and I try to reply as much as I can. You can also email me if you want! susannahbean AT gmail DOT com.

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